Dating in Japanese

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Another thing that seems like a good idea is to come here for a year, then bounce to somewhere like Vietnam, then on to Dubai or somewhere. I too have tried to hang out at bars, go to places and be sociable.

Seems like I need to move to japan. If you have a higher position, you exercise that power. Funny thing about some folks: they bounce back with a vengeance and gunpowder.

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Ai Aoyama is a sex and relationship counsellor who works out of her narrow three-storey home on a Tokyo back street. Her work today, she says, is far more challenging. Japan's under-40s appear to be losing interest in conventional relationships. Millions aren't even dating, and increasing numbers can't be bothered with sex. Japan already has one of the world's lowest birth rates. She greets me in yoga pants and fluffy animal slippers, cradling a Pekingese dog whom she introduces as Marilyn Monroe. In her business pamphlet, she offers up the gloriously random confidence that she visited North Korea in the 1990s and squeezed the testicles of a top army general. It doesn't say whether she was invited there specifically for that purpose, but the message to her clients is clear: she doesn't judge. The number of single people has reached a record high. A survey in 2011 found that were not in any kind of romantic relationship, a rise of almost 10% from five years earlier. There are no figures for same-sex relationships. Although there has long been a pragmatic separation of love and sex in Japan — a country mostly free of religious morals — sex fares no better. More than a quarter of men felt the same way. Learning to love: sex counsellor Ai Aoyama, with one of her clients and her dog Marilyn. They're coming to me because they think that, by wanting something different, there's something wrong with them. This was also the year, as the number of elderly people shoots up, that adult incontinence pants outsold baby nappies in Japan for the first time. Japan's under-40s won't go forth and multiply out of duty, as postwar generations did. The country is undergoing major social transition after 20 years of economic stagnation. It is also battling against the effects on its already nuclear-destruction-scarred psyche of 2011's earthquake, tsunami and radioactive meltdown. There is no going back. Japanese men have become less career-driven, and less solvent, as lifetime job security has waned. Japanese women have become more independent and ambitious. Yet conservative attitudes in the home and workplace persist. Japan's punishing corporate world makes it almost impossible for women to combine a career and family, while children are unaffordable unless both parents work. Cohabiting or unmarried parenthood is still unusual, dogged by bureaucratic disapproval. Or else they're opting out altogether and replacing love and sex with other urban pastimes. Some of Aoyama's clients are among the small minority who have taken social withdrawal to a pathological extreme. Of the estimated 13 million unmarried people in Japan who currently live. Keen to see her nation thrive, she likens her role in these cases to that of the courtesans, or , who used to initiate samurai sons into the art of erotic pleasure. Aversion to marriage and intimacy in modern life is not unique to. Nor is growing preoccupation with digital technology. But what endless Japanese committees have failed to grasp when they stew over the country's procreation-shy youth is that, thanks to official shortsightedness, the decision to stay single often makes perfect sense. This is true for both sexes, but it's especially true for women. For Japanese women today, marriage is the grave of their hard-won careers. I meet Eri Tomita, 32, over Saturday morning coffee in the smart Tokyo district of Ebisu. Tomita has a job she loves in the human resources department of a French-owned bank. A fluent French speaker with two university degrees, she avoids romantic attachments so she can focus on work. I turned him down when I realised I cared more about my job. After that, I lost interest in dating. It became awkward when the question of the future came up. You end up being a housewife with no independent income. It's not an option for women like me. The consistently ranks Japan as one of the world's worst nations for. Social attitudes don't help. In a telling Japanese ballet production of Bizet's Carmen a few years ago, Carmen was portrayed as a career woman who stole company secrets to get ahead and then framed her lowly security-guard lover José. Her end was not pretty. I go out with my girl friends — career women like me — to French and Italian restaurants. I buy stylish clothes and go on nice holidays. I love my independence. They assume I'm desperate because I'm single. It's the word I hear both sexes use most often when they talk about their relationship phobia. Romantic commitment seems to represent burden and drudgery, from the exorbitant costs of buying property in Japan to the uncertain expectations of a spouse and in-laws. And the centuries-old belief that the purpose of marriage is to produce children endures. The sense of crushing obligation affects men just as much. Satoru Kishino, 31, belongs to a large tribe of men under 40 who are engaging in a kind of passive rebellion against traditional Japanese masculinity. Amid the recession and unsteady wages, men like Kishino feel that the pressure on them to be breadwinning economic warriors for a wife and family is unrealistic. They are rejecting the pursuit of both career and romantic success. Kishino says he doesn't mind the label because it's become so commonplace. The phenomenon emerged a few years ago with the airing of a Japanese manga-turned-TV show. To the tooth-sucking horror of Japan's corporate elders, the show struck a powerful chord with the generation they spawned. But he does like cooking and cycling, and platonic friendships. Ironically, the salaryman system that produced such segregated marital roles — wives inside the home, husbands at work for 20 hours a day — also created an ideal environment for solo living. Japan's cities are full of conveniences made for one, from stand-up noodle bars to capsule hotels to the ubiquitous konbini convenience stores , with their shelves of individually wrapped rice balls and disposable underwear. These things originally evolved for salarymen on the go, but there are now female-only cafés, hotel floors and even the odd apartment block. And Japan's cities are extraordinarily crime-free. Some experts believe the flight from marriage is not merely a rejection of outdated norms and gender roles. It could be a long-term state of affairs. Is Japan providing a glimpse of all our futures? Many of the shifts there are occurring in other advanced nations, too. Across urban Asia, Europe and America, people are marrying later or not at all, and, in countries where economic recession is worst, young people are living at home. But demographer argues that a distinctive set of factors is accelerating these trends in Japan. These factors include the lack of a religious authority that ordains marriage and family, the country's precarious earthquake-prone ecology that engenders feelings of futility, and the high cost of living and raising children. Japan's 20-somethings are the age group to watch. Most are still too young to have concrete future plans, but projections for them are already laid out. According to the government's population institute, women in their early 20s today have a one-in-four chance of never marrying. Their chances of remaining childless are even higher: almost 40%. They don't seem concerned. Emi Kuwahata, 23, and her friend, Eri Asada, 22, meet me in the shopping district of Shibuya. The café they choose is beneath an art gallery near the train station, wedged in an alley between pachinko pinball parlours and adult video shops. Kuwahata, a fashion graduate, is in a casual relationship with a man 13 years her senior. I'm trying to become a fashion designer. I don't miss boyfriends or sex. I don't even like holding hands. Although Japan is sexually permissive, the current fantasy ideal for women under 25 is impossibly cute and virginal. In the Japan Family Planning Association's 2013 study on sex among young people, there was far more data on men than women. I asked the association's head, Kunio Kitamura, why. But, smart phones in hand, they also admit they spend far more time communicating with their friends via online social networks than seeing them in the flesh. Japanese-American author , who writes about Japan's youth, says it's inevitable that the future of. Its smart phone apps are the world's most imaginative. But he also believes the rest of the world is not far behind. She accepts that technology will shape the future, but says society must ensure it doesn't take over. Whipping up fear in people, she says, doesn't help anyone. And that's from a woman who knows a bit about whipping.

It could have been worse… I might have gotten fixated on a Kabuki dancer, hmmmmm! Many Japanese women take it as fundamental that men and women are different and rather than taking it as an affront, they take it as nothing more than a sign of attention and caring. I went to shibuya yesterday sat night, and since I was a bit early at the Hachiko I took the liberty of trying to do some work in your honorable name… I was there for about an hour and started counting a little. I also want to say that I love the photos on your website! SO… in your experience, is there a way to find out what those generalizations about Japanese people are; e. In EE, CIS, Anglosphere. Giving her everything is full Beta-land — even in Japan.